


what good is the kingdom if you're missing the love

by loganxiety (meathermac)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Asexual Character, Asexual Logan, I don't know how to explain this, Kind Of Adultery, M/M, Royalty AU, SO, Sarcasm, Swearing, and they're both princes, but ig he's there, but not really, deceit mention, i refuse to put deceit as a character he doesn't even have a line or an influence on the story, kind of homophobia, light homophobia, logan and virgil are twin brothers, my terrible fucking writing, patton is logan and virgil's palace cook, patton just wants them to be happy, same as roman, the irony that is a fic about patton kind of committing adultery, virgil being the only one with a shred of common sense ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meathermac/pseuds/loganxiety
Summary: prince logan carver has an issue. he’s asexual and his parents don’t get it, and he’s got a fiance he doesn’t want.prince roman valentine has another issue. he’s set to be married to a prince he doesn’t know, and he’s falling in love with his fiance’s adorable cook.prince virgil carver is so done with their bullshit.patton d’ambrosia just wants everyone to be happy.





	what good is the kingdom if you're missing the love

**Author's Note:**

> once again, this was crossposted to tumblr. don't accuse me of stealing my own work. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

There were exactly 246 days until Logan’s wedding. 

Every single one of those days was going to be spent in total panic.

Especially the day Logan found out he was getting married because he spent the entire afternoon pacing his room while his brother laughed at him.

“Virgil, please stop laughing. They didn’t even let me choose! Just walked up to me and said, “hey, better get to know this prince, cause he’s gonna be your husband in about eight months, have fun with that”,” Logan ranted, gesturing wildly in frustration. “I didn’t even - this is bullshit!”

Virgil stifled another laugh and said, “Logan, can’t you just talk to them about it? Tell them you don’t want to marry Prince Roman?”

Logan wrung his hands together. “I already did. I don’t even know him! I told them I would even ever want to have… sexual relations with the prince and they said I would want to later, once I got to know him. Virgil, why couldn’t you have been older?”

“Listen, I don’t really wanna fuck the prince of that kingdom either, so I’m pretty glad that you’re older, Lo,” Virgil replied, finally done laughing. “I know they’ve never understood the - what is it called?”

“Asexual,” Logan mumbled, flopping down on his bed next to his twin brother.

“Yes, that. Sorry, forgot the name for a second there. I know they’ve never really understood the asexual thing, but they wouldn’t just listen to you saying that you don’t want to marry Roman?” he asked, turning towards Logan. 

“Why would they? “It’s politics, Logan. Don’t you understand?”,” he said, exasperated. “Politics shouldn’t excuse a lack of logic, should they?”

“I dunno, Lo, you’d be surprised to see how often people’s lack of common sense influences their political views and arguments,” Virgil responded, adjusting the collar of his shirt. “Is there gonna be a formal announcement?”

“I think there will be, yes. I believe Mother and Father agreed that as soon as Prince Roman could get here, we would announce the engagement,” Logan said, his voice a dejected monotone. “So about… three days.”

“Well, enjoy your three days of nothing. I’m going to the kitchens, I need food. Do you wanna come or do you wanna sit here and dwell on your situation?” he asked, perfectly aware that Logan would want to come down to the kitchens because Logan never turned down a visit to the kitchens. His friend Patton worked down there, and of course… food. It was a peace offering between the two brothers. 

“Yeah, I’ll come. Should I -”

“No. Put the crown on and I will tell Patton to hide all the Crofter’s tarts,” Virgil threatened. 

“Alright, I will leave it here. I just think it’s more proper to ascertain my role here in the castle,” Logan said, looking pointedly at his twin brother. 

He put his hands up in defense. “You’re the one who’s gonna be king. I don’t need an image. I’m the… other one.”

“Uh huh,” Logan responded, following Virgil out the door. “I’d rather be in your position. No arranged marriages, no pressure, no… being the king.”

“Well, I may not have to get married, but there’s still pressure on me,” Virgil reminded him. “I may never be King Virgil, but I will always be Prince Virgil. Unless you die, or something.”

“Or something.” 

Virgil laughed. “I dunno. Maybe you run away and I have to take over,” he joked, eyes widening as he realized that if Logan's situation got worse he may do just that. “Please don't run away.”

Logan placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder as they walked. “I won't. I will get married, and as much as I will hate the idea of it, maybe Roman’s nice. Maybe we'll get along.” 

Three days later, Roman arrived, along with an assistant named Remy, and Roman and Logan did not get along. Roman and Virgil didn’t get along much either, but you know, they weren’t getting married in 243 days, so they didn’t have much reason to. 

The first day Roman arrived, Logan was tasked with showing his betrothed - ugh, he hated that word, reminded him of how little power he had over this - around the castle, including the kitchens, and much to Logan’s dislike, Roman hit it off with the cook, Logan’s friend Patton, immediately. 

Logan showed Roman to the dining room, where he’d be eating with Virgil and Logan and their parents in a few minutes, and turned to the irritating prince. “This is where we’ll be eating tonight. My parents are very eager to get to know you, as is my brother, and myself especially,” he said through gritted teeth. “Please, make yourself comfortable, Roman. I’ll be back soon, I need to take care of an issue in the kitchens.”

Roman nodded. “Goodbye, for now, darling,” he responded, causing Logan to roll his eyes.

“Roman, I don’t like being called that. Boundaries, please,” Logan reminded him, leaving to talk to Patton for a bit before being forced to endure dinner with that insufferable prince and his parents. He’d have Virgil, at the very least.

Logan made his way over to the kitchens, even more, annoyed with his parents and their innate ability to find the thing that would make him furious and do just that. He was 20, legally an adult, able to make decisions for himself, and he was asexual. Therefore, being told he had to get married was the worst thing that could possibly happen to him.

He shouldn’t hate Roman. Roman might have even been forced into this too. But Roman was the person who was going to turn his plans into dust, whether he wanted to or not. 

Logan knew he needed to work up the courage to tell Roman he didn’t love him, and he wouldn’t ever love him. He would be willing to maintain a friendly marriage if Roman could understand that it was more of a platonic thing and Logan was not the one who came up with the idea to create this alliance by marrying off their sons. 

He pushed open the door to the kitchen, heading straight for where Virgil was hanging out with their friend Patton. Logan sat down, head in his hands. “I need five Crofters jams. Immediately.”

Paton laughed. “Don’t you mean the jam biscuits?” he asked, wiping his hands down on a rag.

Logan shook his head. “No, I just want five jars of the jam. I’m going to eat them all before I have to go to dinner,” he explained, adjusting his tie.

Virgil stared at him. “You’re going to throw up if you do that.”

“Anything to get out of having to talk to Roman and Mother and Father at the same time,” Logan said, staring Virgil dead in the eyes. “He is the worst. They all are.”

Patton looked at him sympathetically. “Aw, Prince Logan, I’m sure he can’t be that bad,” Patton reassured him. “He’s no more in control of this than you are. Besides, I liked Prince Roman when you brought him through here. Very charming. And not bad looking, if I might add.” He giggled.

Virgil checked his nonexistent watch. “Oh no, Logan, you and I have to get to dinner or Mom and Dad are going to kill us,” he said, grabbing Logan’s arm and dragging him with him. “Bye Pat!”

Patton waved goodbye happily as Logan and Virgil walked back up to the dining room. Virgil looked at his brother with wide eyes and said, “Patton likes your fiance.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “No, he doesn't. He was making an observation,” Logan maintained, placing his hand on the railing by the stairs.

“Yeah, an observation about how attractive Roman was,” Virgil pointed out. “Come on, you can’t be so much of a robot you missed that.”

“No, I definitely missed that,” he replied as the two of them climbed the stairs to the dining room. “Come on, serious princely faces now. I’m not in the mood to be chastised by Mother for looking too happy again,” Logan reminded his brother, fixing Virgil’s hair a bit so it was less emo-esque and more fitting for a formal dinner with a visiting prince. Virgil immediately put it back to the way it was, causing Logan to sigh in annoyance as he pushed open the grand doors to the dining room, where both of his parents and his fiance were waiting for him. Roman looked taken aback to see the two of them - Logan may have neglected to mention that his brother was his twin brother - and his parents just looked disappointed. 

When didn't they, though?

After a supremely uncomfortable dinner in which Virgil managed to make fun of Logan in all the subtle ways their parents wouldn’t catch, Logan’s mother sent her (barely) younger son off to his room and slyly implied (a word here which means “nearly explicitly told”) to Logan that the receiving room was empty if he and Roman would like to talk, which made Logan want to throw up all the Crofter’s tarts Patton had brought up for him at the end of dinner.

But he went anyway. 

 

\---

 

Roman wasn’t an idiot, by any means. He knew Logan didn’t like him. In fact, he was absolutely confident of it.

From the way Logan nervously glanced at the clock the entire dinner, to the way he looked uncomfortable whenever his parents mentioned the engagement, to his resignation regarding every interaction with Roman himself, he clearly wasn’t happy about it. 

And you know what? That was fine. They had eight months. They could figure this out. 

Logan immediately shut the door to the receiving room, doing what Roman assumed was making sure his parents weren’t following him. 

“Logan, I know you don’t like me,” Roman admitted. “And I do apologize for calling you darling. I never intended to make you uncomfortable.”

“Your entire presence makes me uncomfortable,” Logan grumbled. “I don’t want you here. This was not my choice.”

Roman startled, taken aback by Logan’s frustrated statement. “I -”

“And I shouldn’t hate you, right? That is illogical. You weren’t the one masterminding this. That was the fault of my parents,” Logan rambled on, pacing the receiving room. “But you aren’t resisting, which poses a problem for me since I would rather us both resist and not have to go through with it at all.”

“Logan!” Roman interrupted. “I can’t resist it. It wasn’t my choice.”

Logan tilted his head at Roman, pushing his glasses up when they fell down a bit. “You were forced into this as well?”

Roman gestured wildly, his hands moving as he spoke. “I wasn’t given a choice. I’m twenty, same as you! I didn’t want to get married!”

Logan bowed his head in apology. “I’m sorry, I assumed -”

“Exactly. You made an assumption about me. I have no more say in this than you do,” he said. “But we can figure this out, Logan. There’s gotta be -”

“There isn’t,” the other prince snapped. “There’s no good way out of this. Virgil says run away, I say protest, neither of which will work. I will still have to lead this kingdom even without a husband.” Logan sighed, fixing his glasses a second time. 

“I’m sorry, Logan. I don’t know… what to do, or what to say. But I hope we can be friends. I’d love to be your friend,” Roman offered. 

“Friends will be ideal. If we do not manage to find a way out of this before the 243 days are up, we will at least enjoy each other’s presence,” Logan muttered, running his fingers through his cropped brown hair in thought. “Yes, I shall be your friend.”

Roman smiled. “Sounds great. And if we become something more, so be it.”

Logan smiled tightly, clearly not meaning it to be positive.

He and Logan proceeded to bond a bit more, and Roman also took a liking to his twin brother, who looked almost exactly the same as Logan save for a purple storm cloud tattoo on his wrist. Virgil tended to be more sarcastic than Logan as well, which was a sure-fire way to tell the difference between the two of them if you were talking to one and you weren't sure which of the twins it was. 

Roman also spent quite a bit more time exploring the massive palace grounds which were quite a bit bigger than his own back home. Logan didn't mind, and he often took walks with Roman around the palace, since he knew quite a bit more about it due to the fact that he lived there.

However as much as Roman and Logan had grown to be friends over the past few weeks, Roman still enjoyed his alone time as he always had back home as well. 

A few weeks later, Roman was wandering the sprawling gardens of the palace grounds a bit after midnight, since he had found taking walks relaxed him and he loved the moonlit gardens of the Carver palace grounds. 

He’d done this several nights before, which is why it was so strange to him to see another figure sitting on one of the benches among the flowers. Roman walked a little bit closer, and the figure startled.

“Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there,” the man said sheepishly. Roman recognized the voice as the palace cook, Patton. His freckled face was not quite visible, as it was almost midnight, but Logan and Roman had taken many trips down to the kitchens (with or without Virgil) in the past few weeks, so he could pretty much recognize Patton's voice just from hearing it. 

“It's totally fine don't worry about it,”  Roman replied, waving his hands as if to dispel the apology, despite the fact that Patton probably couldn't see them. “What are you doing out here so late?” 

Pat and rub the back of his neck. “ I like coming out here sometimes at night. It's relaxing,”  he admitted. “What about you?”

“Oh, for the same reason, I guess.”  Roman shrugged. “ I do enjoy Logan's company, but sometimes it feels like my whole life revolves around him now.”

Patton chuckled. “ I can see how it would feel that way. But you are getting married in a few months, so I guess you're going to have to spend quite a bit more time together then as well,”  he said, patting the part of the bench next to him. “Here. Sit.”

Patton and Roman talked for quite a bit more that night, and by the end of the night, Roman was pretty sure he had never laughed that hard in his life. Patton was quite good at making witty jokes, lots of puns, lots of dad jokes, but Roman didn't quite mind the cheesiness of them as they were pretty funny, at least to him. 

Patton's laugh was adorable as well. There were some points were Roman could swear he felt butterflies in his stomach as Patton laughed at something silly he might have said. For some reason, he had a strange feeling that he wanted to make Patton laugh like that more. 

Actually, there was a reason. But that reason couldn't possibly be real or acted upon because Roman had to duty to his kingdom, and that duty was to marry Logan. There may not be feelings involved in their marriage, but Roman serves his kingdom first and foremost.

However, towards the end of the night, Roman was pretty sure that he definitely wasn't feeling something solely platonic for Patton. Which was going to complicate matters quite a bit.

Seriously, you don't feel butterflies in your stomach when someone looks at you if you just want to be their friend. You don't feel heat creeping across your cheeks whenever they laugh, and you certainly don't want to lean over and kiss them where they're sitting if you just want to be their friend. 

“Roman,” you say, “it's been, like, three weeks, how could you possibly know that you like Patton like that?”

Roman is a romantic sort of person. He enjoys love, he enjoys romance, and when he falls for someone, he falls hard and he falls fast. 

And goddamnit, had he fallen hard for Patton. 

Clearly, in ways you can probably figure out without me having to tell you, this complicated things for Roman. Mostly, this was complicated for Roman because Roman was supposed to marry another man in about 7 months.

But he didn't love Logan.

If he married Logan, he would never get his happy ending, his truly romantic tale. So what could Roman do?

He might be getting a little bit ahead of himself here. He had a crush on Patton, he had no idea if Patton actually liked him back. 

Roman saw Patton often around the castle, as he was the head cook and he was Logan and Virgil's best friend. There were days now that Roman started going down to the kitchen without his fiance or his fiance’s brother, who happened to be his friend now as well. 

He still didn't really have an idea if Patton actually liked him back until about another month later, when Roman was taking yet another walk through the gardens, and he found Patton once again. 

It wasn't midnight this time, it was around late evening, so Patton’s expressions were still very visible to Roman. 

So, this time, Roman noticed that when he complimented the adorable cook’s freckles, he blushed and looked at the ground. 

Roman smiled. “Aw, Patton, you look cute when you do that,” he said. “But you've never done that before, what's going on?”

Patton shook his head as if trying to clear the redness from his face. “It's nothing, it's nothing, I promise. I was just a little embarrassed, I guess.” Patton grinned up at him and Roman could swear he felt his heart melt then and there. 

Roman decided that keeping this in was going to be one of the worst mistakes of his life. “Patton... I have something to tell you,”  Roman admitted.

The other young man tilted his head to the side in confusion. “What's going on?”

“I think I have a crush on you.”

“I think I have a crush on you too, Roman.”

 

\---

 

Logan paced his bedroom so similarly to the way he had that he first found out that he and Roman were going to be married. Except now the wedding was about one month away,  and he was panicking even more so because there was still one tiny, minuscule little detail about himself that he still had neglected to tell his fiance that he would never and could never fall in love with him. In fact, he had continued to do the exact opposite because he didn't want to tell Roman for fear of Roman telling everyone. He was relating this back to Virgil when his brother reacted...  differently, to what Logan expected.

“Sorry, you never told him?”  Virgil asked, his voice reaching a crescendo due to how incredulous the statement he just heard was. “ Logan, it's been seven months. You've had seven months to get this over with and you still haven't?!”

Logan sighed. “I know, I know. I just can't do it. ‘Cause what happens if I do, and he doesn't support it, and he tells people and then what if I never get to be king at all?” He started pacing once again, much to Virgil’s chagrin. “I do want to be king. I just don't want to be king with someone else.”

“Logan,” Virgil said, “look at me. Would you rather be miserable for the rest of your life, or would you rather tell Roman something he probably will support and won't be too mad about, since he already knows that you don't like him? This is just telling him that you'll never like him.”

“But -”  Logan began, only to be interrupted by his brother standing up and grabbing him by the arm. 

“No buts anymore. We are going to talk to your fiance, and you are going to tell him that you are asexual if it kills me, Logan,” Virgil threatened. “Now come on. I don't know where his room is.”

Logan led Virgil through the castle to Roman’s room, very much against his will. Once they reached it Virgil made a motion for Logan to knock on the door and Logan reacted accordingly.

There was a slight shuffling in reaction to Logan's knock on the door, which was strange because it sounded almost as if there were more than one person in the room. Which would be really weird, because Logan and Virgil had passed Roman’s assistant, Remy, on the way up to his room, and Roman really wasn't friends with anybody else in the castle. 

Except for maybe Patton. But whenever he wanted to talk to Patton, he always went down to the kitchens. 

Roman opened the door quickly, face flushed and hair a complete mess. This was highly unusual for Roman because Roman believed in a proper appearance. And this did certainly not look like a proper appearance for him. 

“Hey guys, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting guests,” he said sheepishly. “Come on in, it is a little bit of a mess though.”

Virgil pushed Logan into the room. “My brother has something to tell you,”  he said. “Well? Logan? Why don't you go ahead and tell him what you were going to say?” Virgil prompted,  gesturing to Roman. 

Logan rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the floor. “I guess I have to admit to you that -” He was interrupted by a crash coming from Roman’s closet.

“The hell was that?” Virgil asked, turning to look at the closet.

Roman sighed in frustration and bit his lip. “I guess I have something to tell you as well. Go first though, Logan.”

Logan glanced at the closet one last time and then took a deep breath and said, “ I'm asexual.”

Roman’s eyes widened briefly, and then he just shrugged and nodded. “That makes sense. I do appreciate that you've come to trust me enough that you would be able to tell me that, though.”

The other prince smiled. “Thank you, Roman.”

Virtual cleared his throat, interrupting the others’ heartwarming moment. “So do we get to talk about what's in the closet now?” he asked, smiling mischievously.

Roman sat down on his bed and put his face in his hands, clearly out of embarrassment. “ It's not so much a what's in the closet as it is a who's in the closet…” he trailed off. “And no, that isn't a gay joke, there is actually a person in my closet,” Roman admitted. “It isn’t, like, a creepy thing though. It was his idea to get in the closet. We heard that you guys were coming and I said something like “oh, what we do?” and he said “I'm going to hide in your closet cause then they won't hear or see me” but clearly, he's knocked something over in there so that whole plan just kind of went out the window,” Roman finished, grinning awkwardly at the twin brothers. 

Virgil sighed. “It’s Patton, isn't it?”

Roman startled, taken aback. “How did you -”

“See, and they say that Logan's the deductive one,” Virgil joked. 

“Easy, Virgil. I figured it out too,” Logan said. “It was simple. Roman’s hair is all messed up and he was blushing when we walked into the room, so clearly, he been with someone that he liked.  If that wasn't evidenced enough the top button of your shirt is undone, Roman, so something was happening.” The other prince glanced down at his shirt and quickly fixed the button. “And anyway, I seem to recall a statement that Virgil told me on the very first day that Roman was here, that Patton, of all people, liked my fiance. At the time I dismissed it as just another one of Virgil's… Virgil statements, I don't really know,  but considering how much I've seen you two together, clearly, there is something else going on there. Also, one time about a year ago when Patton first came to work at the palace, our parents were coming up to my room and he wasn't supposed to be with Virgil and me, and he suggested hiding in the closet. It's his strategy for everything,” Logan concluded with a flourish uncharacteristic for him. 

“And you're not mad?” Roman asked. 

“Well, I mean, I never really loved you. In a romantic sense. You and Patton were clearly doing something up here. I'm not going to guess what that something was, but it looks like you like him a lot, and you don't like me a lot, and I don't like you a lot, and so I guess I don't really care,” Logan said, giving Roman a half-smile. “Plus, I bet you make Patton happy.”

“This is great,”  Virgil said, “but is someone going to tell Patton he can get out of the closet or something?” 

Logan laughed. “This seems so stupid. I can’t believe he actually hid in the closet.”

Patton pushed open the door of the closet. “I’m breaking up with you, Roman,” he joked. 

Roman pouted. “It was your idea!” he protested, scooting over on his bed so Patton could sit next to him. 

Virgil looked between the three of them. “What are we going to do?”

Logan looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

His brother sighed in exasperation. “Logan, you’re ace, and your fiance is dating your best friend. Clearly, getting married in a month will not work out well for you. Roman’s basically cheating on you,” Virgil reminded him.

“He isn’t. We aren’t romantically involved,” Logan said. 

“I agree with your brother, though,” Roman added. “Our parents won’t see it like that. In their eyes, I’ve been cheating on you for three months.” He grabbed Patton’s hand as if needing reassurance that it wasn’t really cheating. 

“Ah. This is true,” Logan agreed. “I don’t really… have any ideas. Roman, could you break up with Patton when the month is up?”

Virgil whacked his twin brother on the arm. “That’s so rude!” he exclaimed. 

“Can you think of a better idea?” Logan retorted. “Roman, Patton, Virgil and I have to have a meeting with our parents and a few minutes. I suggest you talk this out. I apologize if I seem harsh.”

Virgil sighed in annoyance. “And I apologize for him.”

The two brothers left bickering, leaving Patton and Roman in silence. 

 

\---

 

Roman and Patton had ignored their problem decently well until the week before Logan and Roman’s planned wedding when Logan wandered down to the kitchen while they were there. 

“Prince Roman, Pat,” he addressed them. “Patton, Virgil isn’t having a great day. I’d like to bring him some cookies. Anything you can make quickly?”

Patton nodded. “For Virge? Always. Uh, Roman, it was nice to see you around,” Patton said, to which Logan scoffed. 

“Patton, it’s just me. Tell him goodbye like you want to and I will clean my glasses in order to ignore you.”

Roman laughed and kissed Patton goodbye quickly. When he pulled away, he turned to Logan and asked, “Could I stop by Virgil’s room? Or are you the only one allowed in?”

Logan thought for a second, placing his glasses back on. “I think he’s well enough to solicit a visit from you,” he concluded. “Knock first, though. And if he says to go away, respect that.”

Roman nodded. “I’ll see you later, love?” 

Patton blushed and said, “Yeah. I’ll meet you at eleven or so.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Feelings. The bane of my existence. Goodbye, Roman.”

The prince made his way up the castle steps to Virgil’s room, knocking three times on the door. “Virgil?”

“Logan?” came the other’s muffled reply. “Logan, it’s okay, I’m fine.”

“Actually, it’s Roman. Can I come in, Virge?” Roman asked, leaning against the door. 

“Roman?” Virgil said, seeming a bit shocked. “Uh, I guess so.”

Roman opened the door and sat down next to Virgil, who was curled up in his bed, buried partially in blankets. “Logan told me you weren’t doing so well today.”

Virgil shifted a bit in his blanket cave. “I just don’t feel great mentally. I get a lot of shit from my parents about being the less important brother and they really drilled it in last night,” he admitted, pushing a few blankets off him so he could sit up. “I need a bit of a distraction.”

“I can provide that,” Roman said with a half-smile. “It won’t be a fun one, though.”

“I don’t care about that. How are you and Patton?” he asked, looking at Roman with those eyes so similar to Logan’s. 

“Virgil, I don’t know what I’m doing,” he confessed. “I have a week. One week! But Patton makes me feel so good… he’s so sweet and kind and perfect, with his freckles and his love for baking and if I could, I would take him and I would run away from here,” Roman went on. “I would go without a second thought.” He sighed. “But I have obligations to my father and my kingdom. I can’t just leave!”

Virgil pulled his knees to his chest. “I think you should.”

“I should what?” Roman asked, taking his crown off and crossing his legs. 

“I think you should run away with Patton. We would help you, Logan and I would. He doesn’t want this any more than you do.” Virgil shrugged. “And Logan loves happy endings. Somewhere in that heart of his, he likes people ending happily together.”

Roman smiled softly. “And do you think that he’d want that for me and Patton?”

“Are you kidding?” Virgil said, pulling the blankets to his chest and folding his arms on top of them. “That’s all he wants for you two. Because he loves you, and because if you’re gone he can’t get married.”

“Then it’s settled. I shall propose to Patton and we shall run away together,” Roman concluded. 

Virgil stared at him. “Now, hold on a minute there. I never said that you had to get married.”

“I want to,” Roman said. “Please don’t tell me that’s stupid.”

“It actually makes more sense. You’ll probably survive better married… or something,” Virgil trailed off, not really sure of how to finish his sentence. “I think you should. Go, find Patton and tell him.”

“I will, but like, later, cause we already have plans to meet later tonight,” Roman responded, standing up and placing his crown back on his head. “And thank you, Virgil.”

Virgil made a peace sign with his hands. “You’re welcome. Thanks for the distraction.” 

Roman waited in the gardens for Patton around eleven, tapping his foot nervously. When his kind-of boyfriend showed up, he immediately embraced him. “Hey, love.”

“Roman! Hi, honey. What’s up?” Patton asked, noticing the tapping of Roman’s foot.

“Uh, well, I have a proposal for you.” Roman took Patton’s hand in his. 

Patton laughed. “Like a marriage proposal?” he joked, which faltered when he saw the serious look in his partner’s eyes. “Are you actually proposing to me? Roman, you’re getting married to Logan in a week.”

“I’m not. I can’t marry Logan. I love you, Patton. I really do,” Roman placed a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Virgil suggested it. What if we got married and ran away?”

“Roman, you’re insane!” Patton said. “We can’t - what about my job? And Logan?”

“Virgil said Logan will help us. And I have money with me, I’ll give it to you and you can buy us a place with a good kitchen and you can keep cooking for us,” Roman said, his tone indicating that Patton should try and imagine what they could have. “Patton, please, I don’t want to cheat on Logan for the rest of my life. I can’t marry him. I want to marry you,” he pleaded.

Patton sighed. “Roman, it isn’t a good idea. It just… won’t work.”

“Patton, I’m going to back off if you tell me to. But I think it will work,” Roman continued, “and I think the night before the wedding is our best bet,”

The cook took a deep breath. “Let’s do it,” he said. “I will marry you.”

“Really?” Roman asked as if in disbelief. 

“Yes, Roman. I love you.”

The prince smiled. “I love you too.”

 

\---

 

It was near eleven on the eve of Logan and Roman’s wedding when Virgil knocked on Logan’s door, prepared to help him sneak out of the window. 

For it was the eve of Logan and Roman’s wedding, but Logan and Roman were certainly not getting married tomorrow. 

Virgil and Logan ran alongside each other as they headed to the gardens, each breathless with the exhilarating feeling of the massive amount of rule-breaking they were doing, and also because running is fucking hard, man. 

Logan stopped once he reached the arch they had designated as their meeting point, embracing his longtime friend Patton and his fiance, Roman, as they talked amiably beneath the arch. 

“Hey, Logan,” Roman said. “I have a question for you.”

“Hm?” Logan adjusted his glasses, hoping to see the outlines of his friends a bit better. “What’s going on, Roman?”

The other prince chuckled. “Well, I feel since you won’t ever get to have the starring role in my wedding, you might as well get to have a pretty important one. Logan Carver, will you be my best man?”

Patton gasped. “Mine too?” he pleaded, looking at Logan with (probably) wide eyes.

Logan smiled. “Of course, you two. And Roman, please, do not feel bad about what we’re doing right now. You never loved me. And I didn’t love you,” he concluded. “We had no reason to get married.” Logan gestured to Roman and Patton’s vague shapes in the darkness. “You two are in love. You fell in love, and you know what?” Logan took off the ornate engagement ring he still wore on his hand, and reached for Patton’s hand, placing the ring in the palm of his old friend’s hand. “Patton, you deserve this so much more than I ever did. This ring signifies a prince’s fiance or his husband. And well… you are. You take it. You deserve it,” he said, feeling tears sting at his eyes. 

Patton covered his mouth with his free hand. “Logan, I can’t accept this.”

“Yes, you can,” Logan insisted. “It feels good to not have that on my finger anymore. It belongs to someone Roman loves.”

Roman coughed, interrupting the heartwarming moment. “I have to say, Logan, you were wrong about one thing,” he said, laughing lightly.

“And that would be?” Logan asked as he watched his friend place the ring on his finger. It seemed perfect.

“I do love you, Logan. You’re one of my best friends. I don’t know what I’ll do without you and that mischievous twin brother of yours,” Roman said, his voice seemingly on the edge of tears. His love put a comforting arm around him. 

Logan called for his brother. “Virgil! Who’s here?” he questioned, trying desperately to see through the darkness. 

Virgil put a hand on Logan’s shoulder to comfort him and make him aware of his presence. “Remy, Roman’s assistant. Damon, Valerie, and Joan from the kitchens. Dr. Picani, the resident… therapist guy. Or whatever he does. I don’t really care, Emilie is great. Talyn. They all came,” he responded, gesturing to the gardens. “Are we ready to start?”

Roman and Patton shared a look, nodding simultaneously. Virgil grinned. “Alright. Then as your officiant, I pronounce your wedding started!” he cheered, kind of quietly.

Logan laughed. “Patton, can I walk you down the aisle?”

“No, if you do, Damon told me he would loudly sing all of “Here Comes the Bride.” I’ll start at the arch,” Patton said, smiling at the thought of his friend. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome,” Logan replied. “I’ll sit down then. I love you, Patton.”

His best friend smiled softly at him. “I love you too, Logan.”

Virgil stood between the two of them at the makeshift altar (the arch), Roman holding a bouquet of flowers that looked suspiciously similar to a nearby plant in the garden. Logan’s brother began his speech with “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to spite the fuck out of some parents, and also marry these two nerds or whatever.” The small audience laughed. “I’ve known Patton my whole life, I can read him like a book. The very first day he met Roman I remember telling Logan that Patton liked his fiance. Logan rolled his eyes, but here we are, so suck it.” More laughing, and another eye roll from the mentioned brother. “I believe the vows come next?” Virgil finished, looking at Patton. Patton nodded.

“Roman, I love you. I’ve loved you since that first kiss in the gardens, since we had to tell Logan, since we decided to get married and run away. I love you like I love the sun and like I love cookies. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, all starry-eyed and perfect. I want you to know…” he paused, laughing quietly at the officiant trying not to start crying and his brother already furiously wiping tears off his face. “I want you to know I will never stop loving you.”

Virgil sniffled. “I’m fine,” he said, voice cracking. “Roman?”

“I don’t have anything. I just want to marry my lovely, sun-spotted, adorable dork,” Roman finished. Logan could see Patton melt.

“Patton, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the officiant asked.

“I do,” Patton said, his soft but loving smile for no one but Roman.

“And Roman -”

“I do, I do!” the other cried enthusiastically. “Hurry up.”

Virgil nodded. “Well, then, by the power vested in me by my unfortunate birthright, I pronounce you husband and husband. You may know kiss… I don’t know, Roman?”

Patton laughed and took the prompting, sweeping his now-husband into a passionate kiss while the small audience cheered quietly. 

As the guests began to leave, Logan walked over to his best friends, who were holding hands and smiling like idiots. “I’m so happy for you two. Though I do suppose this means we must say our goodbyes?” he suggested, sadness edging his tone.

Patton stared at him sadly. “Can’t we just stay here forever?”

“I wish. I wish so badly that you could,” Logan said. “But as of now, you are fugitives.”

Patton laughed without any real humor. “Darn.”

Logan hugged Patton tightly. “No goodbye could ever be enough. I’ll see you again someday, okay?”

Patton bit his lip as he pulled away. “Someday. And I’m leaving my Crofter’s tart recipe. Learn how to bake it for me, okay?”

Logan nodded vigorously. “I will. I will, I promise.”

He moved onto Roman as Virgil said goodbye to Patton. “Roman, I know this isn’t the grandiose wedding we would have had, but -”

Roman waved him off. “Please. I would have hated myself if I had made you go through with that.”

Logan smiled, blinking tears from his eyes. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he said, voice breaking at the end. “You were a great fiance.”

Roman laughed and gave him a hug. “I’m going to miss you too, Logan. We’ll meet again someday, though. Have faith.”

The next day, when it was discovered (or assumed) that the prince had run away with the cook, Logan put on his best “oh no my fiance ran away the night before my wedding how scandalous” face and locked himself in his room, only allowing in Virgil, his brother, and anyone who had food. 

Logan was fine, however, since he wasn’t too torn up about not having to do a thing he didn’t want to do, and he was glad to see his friends getting their happy ending. 

Someday he’d get to visit them. Virgil was already planning how they were going to escape for a few days. 

But for now, he was content to accept his role as the despairing prince and just… sit in his room for a while, enjoying the silence. 

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> my tumblr is adultmorelikeadolt! i post edits, memes, and fics!


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